My daughter keeps asking me about sex

Dear Pastor,

I am a 31-year-old woman and I am writing to ask you for your advice. I have a daughter and son.

My daughter is almost 15 and attending high school. I told her that whenever she is having problems, she can discuss them with me. Recently, she asked me a big question that shocked me. She asked me at what age did I start having sex. I stumbled because I did not expect her to ask me such a personal question. So I asked her why she was asking me that, and she reminded me that I said we can discuss anything that is bothering her.

I asked her whether she had sex and she said she almost, but she was afraid. I asked her who wanted to have sex with her. She said I did not know the boy, and she knows he will get into trouble. I became very suspicious. One morning after she left for school and I had the day off, I decided to search her belongings. I pulled out the drawer where her small clothes are kept and to my surprise, I saw two letters. In one, she wrote to a young man and told him that the feelings she is having are not normal and she feels funny sometimes, especially when they are alone. I put the letter back carefully, but she also had a pack of unused condoms in the drawer.

I spoke to her father about what she asked me and what I saw in her drawer, and he said, "The girl needs to get some beating, because it is belly she wants to bring home." I did not expect that type of reaction. I calmly told him that before I was 16, we had sex. But he said that was different. I told him that sex is sex and that the only difference with us is we were older than our daughter. I begged him not to say anything to her, but to allow me to deal with the matter; he said, "Alright." She has not raised the matter with me again. But I have constantly checked her drawer to see if any of the condoms were used, but they are all there. However, the letter is gone.

My daughter is a very bright girl; she is doing very well in school. I don't want any man to spoil her. Since that time, I have been watching her. I know when she should be having her period, and she has not missed any. I am so nervous for my daughter, but I tell her everything. I don't hold back on any question she asks. But I did not tell her when her father and I had sex for the first time. I get the impression that her boyfriend is 18 years old.

H.D.

Dear H.D.,

Men forget things easily. Your daughter's father forgot how young you were when both of you had sex for the first time.

You see, your daughter is a teenager, and teenagers talk about sex among themselves. Some of them come under pressure from other teenagers. Some girls laugh at others who have never had sex and tell them that they don't know what they are missing. Who do you think bought the condoms for your daughter? Do you think that she bought them for herself, or did her boyfriend buy them and give them to her for safe keeping? Whatever might be the case, she put them away carefully and she did not expect you to see them.

You need to take time in having conversations about sex with your daughter. She is not too young to hear these things from you, and you should also encourage your partner to speak to his son about these things. Evidently, your daughter might be experiencing sexual urges, and she has to be told how to deal with these urges apart from having sexual intercourse. I wish you well.

Pastor