Girlfriend refuses to migrate and leave me in Jamaica

Dear Pastor,

I have three children with one woman, and I live at her parents' house.

My girlfriend's parents are living in the United States of America (USA), but they are not planning to stay there forever. They are saving to buy another house in a gated community.

My children's mother did not want to join them in the USA. They applied for her before she attained the age of 21, but she did not want to leave me. Her mother told her that she was making a big mistake. I told her, at the time, that she should go, but she said, unless I was prepared to leave with her, she would stay.

I was not ready to leave Jamaica. I have friends who went away and did not do well. Jamaica is my home. I have offered to buy the house in which we live, but her parents say they are not ready to sell. They have promised to tell us when they intend to do so.

I have no problem living here. I know the house is not ours, but I have tried along with my woman to maintain it. We do not even send to ask them for money to do repairs. Whenever her parents come to Jamaica, they stay with us.

I know that the house is not ours. I have been putting away money to buy this place whenever her parents are willing to sell. But, at the same time, if they are not willing to sell in the next two or three years, I intend to purchase a place for my girlfriend and my children to live in, because her parents can always change their mind and leave me in the cold.

I have been saving hard with the credit union. My children's mother does her own business as a hairdresser and nail technician. I am in construction. Our children are doing well in school. I love my children's mother; she is hard-working and very obedient to me.

What advice can you give to me?

P.L

Dear P.L.,

You have a very intelligent woman. She could have gone to live in North America but she stayed with you because she loves you. She was not willing to run after the American dollar and lose her family.

I have seen so many women leave their children and their spouses, and they did not return to Jamaica until many years after. And, by that time, they got involved with other men, and their children's father became intimate with other women in Jamaica.

I must hasten to say that some women have left with good intentions, but their own relatives hooked them up with other men and tell them they would be foolish to return to Jamaica.

I know a man whose wife had a very good job. They have lovely children. She went abroad and it did not take her long to listen to her relatives who encouraged her to stay in America. She listened to them and she divorced her husband, who was waiting on her to return to him. Your woman decided to stay with you; you should cherish her. Your in-laws should be happy to know that you are taking care of their house. However, do not wait until your woman's parents are willing to sell you the house. Try and purchase a house, because you will never know whether your in-laws would keep their words and sell you the place.

While you are strong, make a downpayment on a house, a place you can call your home. However, do not give your in-laws the impression that you will not purchase their house, if they are willing to give it to you for a reasonable price.

Pastor